Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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