I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
