I can tuck mytits in my pants
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
