laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
