i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
