He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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