She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
