I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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