After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
