so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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