Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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