she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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