he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?