Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear