it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.