Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
