This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
