Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize