I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
