I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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