oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
