Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
