I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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