So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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