He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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