he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
