Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
