She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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