My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
