Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
