So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
