nut hugger
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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