When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
