Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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