Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
