doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
