i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
