I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
