oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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