Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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