New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
