Kiss
Puke
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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