areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
