my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize