considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
