I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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