It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize