just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are we still banned from the library?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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