dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize