can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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