a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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