Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
