I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
