saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
