She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
