Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
