you win again, gameday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
