just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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