Are we in a gay sports bar?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
