we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
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My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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