he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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