just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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